I know I’m a couple of days late on this fad but oh wellz. Reid says I have an incredibly special talent for killing “the mood”. I mean, I can slaughter the mood quicker than just about anything. It’s almost a super power. I told Reid about the newest fad posts going around being the biggest or top turn offs. I decided to put my own spin on it and recount some of the special ways I have killed the mood. Oddly enough, we both could only think of one instance a piece. And when we compared stories, we had both thought of the same one. We’re both racking our brains for other ones because there are plenty but for now, this one will have to do.

1. Reenacting the infamous scene from The Champ in an effort to revive a romp that ended juuuuuuust a little bit too soon (for me at least) will not result in a spontaneous double-header boner. In fact, it just might prevent you from getting laid for a few days after…

I looked in the mirror today and I realized I did not know the person looking back at me. It was strangely fascinating to have that moment where you stare into your own eyes and realize you’re staring at a complete stranger.
I did not recognize her face.
Her eyes were foreign to me.
Her body was a mystery, even as I buttoned her blouse, I wondered what the rest of her was like.
Her hands copied my movements but I could not feel it. I felt disjointed.

She looked at me and sighed and turned and walked away. Silently, I followed.

Small’ish update on the pulse I made last night.

Last night I said I was worried about one of my best friends. Turns out, there was a guy who threatened to rape her a while back (before I knew her) and he was just recently let out of prison for serving his sentence for threatening her. He has already broken his parole by contacting her through one of her dating profiles and apparently has been making fake facebook accounts in order to track her down. He has said that he wants to kill her friends. Last night I went out with her and her boyfriend to the club we usually hang out at. She brought a picture of the guy to give to the bar so they were aware that that guy was not allowed in (it’s a members only club on the weekends but open to the public during week nights). She contacted the local police about the violation of his parole orders but, as is usual, they aren’t taking it very seriously. She did tell me that she has a friend who is basically “Archer” (if you’re familiar with that cartoon. I love it) and has been helping her get into contact with the right people at the FBI.
We’ve talked about game plans. She has her bear mace, and will be getting a concealed carry permit soon (I am also working on getting my permit). I just helped her move into her boyfriend’s house the other day, which I am so glad we did because she was living alone before and closer to this guy’s area as well. She won’t be going anywhere alone, either her boyfriends will be with her or I will, or her parents.

I guess we just have to sit this out and wait for the authority’s to hopefully do something before this guy does. She is really worried that he will make good on his threats.

I feel so helpless.

First off I want to thank everyone for all the minis and helping me get enough points to change my name!

So goodbye forever_musing, and hello to thegunslingergirl.

Why that name? Well, firstly for those who will inevitably ask, yes I have seen/read the anime/manga and I loved it. It’s a nickname that was also given to me a long time ago and I really liked it. As I have shared before, I’m not really a girly girl, if I were to share all my interests and likes and activities and nothing more about myself it would probably be assumed that I was male (I tried it once as an experiment and I was right haha). Anyways, I’ve always liked that kind of image in my head, the no-nonsense, tough, strong type of girl. That and I do have a special place in my heart for firearms (but no, I will not get into any discussions about gun control, and if anyone thinks this username has anything to do with any of that mess well, you’re laughably wrong).

There’s also a lot going on in my life right now, and a lot of stuff coming up that I am just going to have to man up and deal with. I spent a great deal of last week just being a crying mess over it all. I whined. I complained (and many of you put up with it). But I’m done wasting my time dreading the inevitable. I can either let it get me down and render me useless, or I can step up to the task at hand and handle it the way it should be handled. I just have to accept that sometimes I’m not going to be strong enough, but I’ll be damned if I’m bested before I give it my all. I’ve been through so much in my short time on this planet, and I know I have a long ways to go before my journey is over. There will be times of joy, and there will be times of grief. There will be adventures, and there will be catastrophes. There will be memories I will hold on to forever as well as ones I will want to purge and never think of again.
That’s life. But I won’t let it get me down without a fight.

Because I’m the gunslinger girl.

“I’m scared.”

“I know. It’s been a long week.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“I know.”

“You’ve done a 180 on me. One moment you’re excited about something you won’t tell me about and now you’re rethinking our entire relationship.”

“It’s been a long week.”

And with a heavy sigh you walk out of the room, turning off the light. You do not linger before closing the door.
And then I wrapped myself in the cold blankets of silence.

So yeah, yesterday was a pretty tough day for me (as indicated by my previous post). I have this tendency to approach almost every situation and think, “Okay, now what are all the ways this can go wrong and will I be able to handle it?” Then dozens of scenarios play out in my head as well as back up plans, comebacks, retorts, etc.
This way of thinking and approaching things is not only making me miserable but it’s also making Reid’s life hell and that needs to stop. I can’t appreciate anything for what it is without being incredibly paranoid about all the ways I could ruin it which then most times becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. In short, I bring this on myself.

I haven’t been researching therapists like I probably should, I still think that the money could be invested somewhere else but that’s only because I think of myself as a lost cause, I’ve been this way too long to change. Maybe this is true, maybe it isn’t that remains to be seen but I can still try my damnedest!

So instead of thinking of all the ways my life can go wrong in the near future I’m trying to concentrate on anything positive that could come from this, little or big.

Reid and I talked last night and we both agreed that our time together is going to be drastically reduced, despite the fact that is something we do not want in the least since our time together is already so small.

BUT

Maybe that will give me more time to pursue my crafting again. I tend to put down projects when he’s home because I don’t want to be distracted when he’s home.

Maybe I will be able to be more productive around the house. Again, all housework seems to cease when we are home together because why waste time doing dishes when we could be co-oping LEGO: Lord of the Rings? As it is right now our house has never been more clean or organized (thanks mainly to the puppy) but the upstairs (the humans only zone) is a MESS! I’m thinking about doing a shame post and putting a picture of just how bad the bedroom is and then take a picture once it’s cleaned and organized.

I will definitely have more time to build the shelves I’ve been planning for a while. I think they will be pretty and great for organizing all my books and comics. It will also clear up even more space in our living room if I can consolidate everything to just one wall instead of 5 random bookcases that take up odd amounts of space all over the place.

Maybe when we actually do get time together it will be more meaningful. Maybe it will motivate Reid to actually want to get out and do more things together instead of just sitting on the couch. (This is probably reaching a bit, he’s a huge homebody).

I’ll have more time to read which is something I miss.

I could also finally take up electric bass. I’ve been wanting to learn that for a few years now, and Reid’s brother has left me a standing offer on lessons. I guess now on the nights when Reid is gone me and G can play guitar together.

In all likelihood I will probably pick up another job for the nights and weekends. At least I would be making more money. I already work around 50hrs a week but I would rather work more than spend all my time alone wishing things could be different.

This is probably a fail of an approach but it’s the best I can muster right now. I’m still scared. I’m still sad. And trust me, I know things could always be worse so let’s not even get into that. I KNOW what worse is. Been there, many times. There are real reasons why people make fun of me and call me Walking Murphy’s Law and to “Watch out! Meg’s coming!” It’s hurtful yes but sometimes I’m more than just a disaster waiting to happen.

Maybe if I start believing that, other people will too.

Howdy!
I’ve been wanting to change this username for a very, very long time and I’m getting very close to be able to doing just that without spending ten bucks!
So, consider me the street vagrant at the moment holding out a dixie cup in hopes of a few coins… errrr points!

I’m in a ranty/complaining mood and since I don’t really feel like being broken up with today I’ll just vent here. That’s what this place is for sometimes, right?

Anyways, Reid is planning on switching jobs soon. Right now he works for a popular chain restaurant. He’s been there for a little over 2 years. As most everyone knows, restaurants are usually busiest during dinner time and weekends. Right now, Reid has gained enough seniority and respect from the operating partners that a few months ago he was able to basically say, “Hey guys, I never get to see my girlfriend because she works 7am-5pm Monday-Friday. Could I have Friday night and all of Saturday off so we can actually see each other?” The operating partner he has now is awesome and granted his request as long as he was available to work all day Sunday (typically he works open to close on Sundays). It’s been nice because before we never, ever got to see each other except for some nights when I would force myself to stay awake long enough to tell him goodnight when he got home (I’m a recovering insomniac, I need my sleep).
The operating partner he has now is leaving soon because she is pregnant. They’ve already sent another guy up here for the past few days to scope the place out. Rumor is he will likely be the new operating partner once the one in place now goes on maternity leave.
This new guy is a huge asshole. Much like Allen (the operating partner who first hired Reid on. He is one angry, angry man who made life hell for everybody. Don’t believe me? When they shipped Allen up north to another branch, half the staff walked out and quit that day right in the middle of their shift. HALF the restaurant). This new guy doesn’t sound any better than Allen. Apparently he has already thrown a few bitch fits, including ripping up one of the checkbook things because it had a small tear in the front and started screaming, “How dare you bring me this piece of crap!” to the server.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want Reid to work under those conditions again. It was awful.

But selfishly, I don’t want him to change jobs either. He has two very good prospects lined up that he is almost guaranteed a job thanks to his connections. Both are very upscale places. Both places are only open after 5 on weekdays and for lunch and dinner on weekends. Basically, I will probably never get to see Reid except for maybe an evening or two a week. That means no more day trips, no more going out and doing fun things (I work for 10hrs a day, I’m too tired to do stuff after work).

I’m devastated. Just completely devastated. He’s been wanting to change jobs for a while because corporate for his chain is just looney toons and unbearable (but it’s like that everywhere). There’s no way he will be able to go in as a noob to these places and be like, “Oh yeah, I don’t work Friday nights or Saturdays.” Just no way. He’s mad at me for being “negative”. I’m not being negative, I’m being a realist. I’m under no disillusion. Why is it so bad to know the truth of the situation? Would he rather me be all rainbows and unicorns that poop skittles until proven wrong and THEN devastated? Why not already start that process now and get it over with.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I already don’t see the point in working like we do when we never get to spend time together. I don’t want fancy things, I don’t want to move to a nicer place. I don’t want tons of vacations every year. I just want to spend time with him. That’s what keeps me going. But going into this new phase knowing that all I’m working for is nothing now is just hard. I’m going to be working my 40+ hours a week to come home to a Reid-less house since the places he wants to work open at 5 (which is a half hour before i even get off work). I’ll spend my weekends alone. That’s just the way it will be. I already spend half of my weekend alone. Really it feels like I get one day off a week because Sundays don’t really count to me since I don’t get to see Reid and I spend all of that day working on other things to keep me distracted.

So yeah, I guess I’m done now. I just don’t feel motivated to do much of anything anymore because it all seems pointless. I’m so jealous of his parents. They get to work together (and I work for them so I work with them. I see them more than I get to see their son whom I live with). I’ve already been struggling with how little I get to see him. Knowing that that meager time I get with him is quickly running out too just has me close to giving up on everything. Long distance would be better than this. We’ve already been through that too. Hell, at one point we could only write letters to each other (I was at BMT). At least we actually got to talk to each other every day. We don’t even get that now. I can’t talk or text him when he is at work and most times he comes home at night and I’ve already gone to bed.

Sorry, I’m just incredibly upset.