I'll be uploading more pictures later when I get to a place with better wi-fi (my house still has the worst signal everrrrrr. I pay way too much for less than 1mpg download per minute).

Here is Reid and I in front of the Hobbit Hole! Our first picture together for 2013.

It takes a real man to wear a South Park Hello Kitty shirt (I actually have a matching one. The number of matching shirts we have is a bit ridiculous!)

Hope everyone is having a great weekend. I shall be spending the rest of mine on the couch recovering from our adventure

We totally fail at taking good pictures together.

Yesterday, against better judgment, I went to Petsmart with my boyfriend so we could finally meet the newest fur baby we are adopting. We have been going to the adoption event that a local rescue holds every Sunday for some time now (one of my favourite regular dates we go on that we dubbed, "Puppy Brunch"). I had seen a picture of little Holly on the rescue's Facebook page and fell in love with her right away. She and her siblings were still waiting on their last round of shots before they could come out to an event but we went ahead and put in an application for her anyways.
The plan was that we were going to be taking Holly home with us this weekend to foster until she gets spayed, and at that point we would fully adopt her. Well, obviously with my surgery 2 days prior that wasn't going to work out anymore, but thankfully her foster family said they would be happy to keep her for us until I'm back on my feet.
Reid spotted her as soon as we walked in the door. He started pointing across the aisle going, "I think that's our girl!" It was definitely love at first sight. She was so calm when being held and just snuggled right up to Reid and loved being petted. We stayed for a while and watched her play with her siblings before we left. I am really hoping that I will be well enough this weekend to take lil girl home with us!

Hey there everyone! Just thought I'd drop by for a second while I'm still awake before the next dose of pain killers kick in.
I'll go over quickly the week's events.
Tuesday night I had some pasta that did not sit well on my stomach and hurt me all the next day as well. Thursday I woke up a mess because I hadn't eaten anything and was in a lot of pain. I called the surgeon to see if he had any appointment openings sooner than Wednesday 2/13, but they didn't so they put me on a call-list in case they had a last minute cancellation. I called my GP after I got off the phone with the surgeon to ask him if he could prescribe me anything for the pain, the nurse who took the call went back and talked to my GP told me that he said to go straight to the ER. Reid's brother came and took me to the ER. I ended up staying in the hospital overnight (Thurs-Fri) because the surgeon on call that night did not seem to want to make a decision on whether or not to take my gallbladder out or make me go through a few more tests (upper endoscopy, ultrasound, never mind the fact that I had already had one). The next morning the surgeon I was supposed to see next week came in, he was disgruntled that no one had told me I was there earlier that morning because he almost couldn't fit me in. They ended up rushing me to the OR so he could do my procedure and not be too late to a meeting (otherwise I would have either had to go home and wait to come back or stay in the hospital another few days. It only took him about 20 minutes to remove my gallbladder. I woke up in ICU and for whatever reason just started to profusely apologize to the staff there. Reid said that did not surprise him at all and that it sounded exactly like something I would do! Ha!
They discharged me the same day, which I was happy about. I felt amazingly well right after the surgery. The anesthesia didn't leave me nauseated or anything and not long after I was able to drink and eat some of a clear liquid diet and keep that down with no problem (Wednesday night I could only stomach two small spoonfuls of rice and that made me extremely nauseated). After I was able to keep the liquids down they let me eat some low-fat solid foods. That settled well too. I was really amazed at how good I felt right after. I am really sore and can't stand up or sit down without assistance but I honestly expected to feel much, much worse. I just feel like I've done a thousand too many ab crunches and it hurts like a mofo to laugh! I've been trying to watch sadder, more serious movies so as not to make myself laugh. I'm terrified of popping my internal stitches (my surgery was laporscopic and they only made 3 small incisions on my stomach). Hiccuping also hurts really badly.

Now I'm at Reid's house with his parents. Their house is much better situated than ours for my recovery, they even have a super comfy recliner I was able to get a good night's sleep in last night.

That's about it I guess. Tomorrow I get to meet our puppy! We have pushed back our adoption time til after she is spayed so I can have a week-10 days to heal before bringing home another critter. I am so excited! I will post pics when I get them.

Hope you all are having a great weekend! I know I am finally happy to be able to sit on the same couch as Reid and hold his hand some. It sounds terrible but we're so happy we've gotten to spend this much time together the past few days, even if it's under less than ideal circumstances. I guess that's a good sign that we can be happy together no matter what is going on.

I am a needy person at times. I recognize this and despite how much I wish it weren't so, sometimes I have to just come to terms with it.

This is one of those times. Not only do I have to deal with the fact that I am unable to bear everything alone like I want to (so as not to burden others, I loathe that), but I kinda have to have these needs filled in order just to function at this point.

It was bad enough to get the call that there was actually, really something going on with my body to the point where I need surgery (honestly, I was really starting to pull for Team "It's All In Your Head, It Wasn't Real" and expecting the scan results to come back normal) but then I got to listen for about an hour and a half about how much my biological father hates me and my sister and wants nothing more to do with us. "When do I finally get to stop being a parent? They're too old for this shit, I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore."

Granted, I cut ties with the bastard 3 years ago this past month. I've never planned on ever speaking to him again, but still, you know, there's that little part of you that just hopes you're wrong. Maybe people really can change. Maybe that dad that I loved so so so much as a kid is still in there. Maybe, just maybe, he actually loved me at some point. But no. I'm right, again. I'd love to be wrong. I would be so happy being wrong, because then I'd be loved by the person I loved the most in my entire life. I was such a daddy's girl. I could not wait for his dualie to pull up in the drive way after being gone weeks/months. I kept count as soon as I could of the time he spent away, counting down the days til he got home. I stopped keeping track when I was 14; at that point he had been gone a total of 8 years of my life. I spent all that time waiting. I could go on with this but there's really no use in it. Point is, sometimes you realize when something is not worth waiting for anymore.

I kinda lost it. I mean, I figured out that he really didn't care for me a few years ago when he threatened to physically assault me. But I thought maybe cutting him off would make him remorseful and change. Maybe he'd really try this time to have a relationship with me. But no. I know my mom took no delight in telling me these things, since she is the one who told me about all that he's been saying. I told my partner tonight that I need to FEEL loved. I *know* I am loved. Very much. After I got off the phone with my mom, I was so happy to be able to go to my afternoon desk at work which is right between R's parent's offices. I know they love me. They don't even have to love me, I'm not even family yet, but I know they love me. I know R loves me, that's why I didn't feel like it would be a burden to tell him what I really, really needed, and that was to actively feel loved. I needed my hand held all night. I needed to hear, "I love you" every 5 seconds. I needed to practically be velcro'd to him (physical touch is my biggest "love language"). And I got exactly that. I know with R that if I say I need anything or want anything, that he loves me and he will be there for me. That is such a nice change. Sometimes I expect him to act like my dad. I mean, you're always told that if you're a girl you'll find someone who's like your dad/ boy someone like you're mom but that isn't true in my case. R and my dad couldn't be more polar opposites.

I think it's dumb that I need to feel loved when I know damn well I am loved. But you know what? For the first and probably one of the few times in my life, I have people (friends online and in real life, family by blood and family by choice) that don't think that is a dumb thing to need and are more than happy to help meet that need.

And I couldn't be more grateful.

Some of you who follow along may remember that I've been having some issues with pain in the upper right quadrant of my abdomen and I've had several tests done over the past few weeks to pinpoint the cause. I had an ultrasound Jan. 22 which came back normal. I had a HIDA scan last Thursday and got the results from that today.
Long and short of it is that my gallbladder is basically non-functional and while the ultrasound showed no stones, the HIDA scan showed that the gallbladder wasn't hardly ejecting bile at all and when it was it was not doing it properly and that there isn't anything that can be done to treat it except to have it surgically removed.

I have an appointment to talk to a surgeon next Wednesday. I'm hoping they can have me in for surgery by the end of Feb (that way I get enough time in at work for rent and bills and hopefully will be recovered enough to go to Reid's cousin's wedding mid-March).

I guess it's my turn to be crippled for a bit. God knows I've done more than my share of picking up the slack for everyone else for the past 8 months

So there's the update. Glad to have a definitive answer and course of treatment, even though it's surgery.

As some of you all may have noted from my previous post, my partner, Reid, and I are planning on adopting a puppy this weekend. We are very excited and nervous at the same time. We both have had dogs before (my dog was put to sleep before Christmas, he was 13. Reid's dog is still kicking it at the ripe old age of 17!) BUT we've never had puppies. Both of our dogs we got when they were already adults.

At first we wanted to adopt an older dog, but with our other critters we figured it would be best to get a puppy (as well as the foundation we are actually adopting her through. We've been talking with them for several months now about adopting through them).

The puppy we will be getting is a Basenji mix (not sure what breed the stud was but the mom is Basenji). The foster mom said that she does bark (she is the runt of a litter of 4, only one of them they haven't heard bark yet!) but she is very cuddly and friendly. I am so excited to meet her this weekend.

I have been doing tons of research online but figured the more tips and resources there are to use the better!

So, dear readers and fellow animal lovers, do you have any resource suggestions? Tips on housebreaking a puppy? Any tidbits of advice any of you all wish you had before getting a puppy?

This lil gal may be coming home with us next weekend!! We are almost 100% positive that she will work out for us to have at our apartment since she is a lil basenji mix, and also the runt of the litter so she shouldn't get too big (our apartment bans pets over 30lbs, basenjis are usually 20-25lbs but we aren't sure of the breed of the father, but she is still really tiny and almost 3 months old). I figured what are they going to do when she gets full grown? Come to our apartment and put her on a scale? I highly doubt she will grow to even look "too big". She has to get her last round of shots before we can foster her, and then we will get her spayed and at that point we would officially adopt her but we just get to have her for free for a few days!

I'm so excited!

Last night, one of our neighbors, Elisabeth, came over so I could help her bake a cake for her husband's birthday party that's tonight (it's also a party for me since her husband and I have birthdays just a day apart! I thought that was a sweet of them to include me too!). She doesn't know how to cook or bake so I told her she was welcome to come over and I would gladly help her out.
We went to the store together and I helped her pick out all the ingredients. We stood in line to check out for nearly half an hour because the person in front of us was probably Methusala's widow and kept wandering off with her walker instead of paying for her groceries. It was quite the adventure.
After we got home I whipped everything together and put it in the oven. We talked and sketched while the cake baked and cooled and afterwards we decorated it. Even Reid got in on the cake making party we were having. It was quite fun.
Here's how it turned out! I think it looks pretty awesome considering none of us have ever decorated a cake before!

I love the tail! We used a can of icing that came with several different decorating tips (worked like a can of whipped cream except it was really awkward and hard to use. I wouldn't really recommend it). We used the "leaf" tip to create the look of scales! I really like the little curl of the tail at the end.

Yesterday was bad. Actually, Sunday and Monday were pretty bad, emotionally. The long and short of it is that on Sunday Reid and I went to go pick up a puppy we had applied for and had been approved for but last minute they took him away from us because he was a pit bull type dog and they wanted to clear it with our apartments before letting us take him home, even though they had said we could and we were just finishing up getting all the things for him at Petsmart and were about to sign the paperwork when they stopped and took him from Reid. Then they called yesterday and said we were officially denied because our apartment doesn't allow dogs over 30lbs or "aggressive" breeds (whatever that means, you're more likely to get attacked by a yorkie or chihuahua than a regular pit).
I was really tore up over it. I spent the rest of Sunday crying. I spent so much time crying yesterday at work I soaked through the arm of the 2 sweaters I was wearing. It's a good thing I'm a silent cryer.

The thing I knew there wasn't any reason to be so upset. It really wasn't about the dog. I don't know if it was really about anything I just couldn't stop crying for 2 days straight. I hated myself for it. I don't have the right to spend all afternoon crying and being depressed when there's nothing to cry or be depressed over. For the moment, my life isn't actively falling apart. So why am I so depressed?

I felt especially sorry for Reid. See, I *know* I have issues. I *know* it's hard to deal with me (it's hard for me to deal with me, so I assume then it must be at least twice as hard for anyone else to deal with me when I'm in a bad way). I know I'm insecure. I am completely aware of every negative aspect I bring into a relationship. I've admitted it since day one and continue to do so til this day. What baffles me is that he seems perfectly okay with all these things. Sure, there are days when he admits that I am a bit too much for him to handle, what I don't understand is why he doesn't feel like this every day (like I do). I can't ever comprehend loving myself so I'm completely floored when someone else says they love me.

Yesterday, I came home a mess. I mean a complete wreck. I was angry, but I didn't know why. I was panicky for no reason. I was scared. I tried all afternoon to figure out what the hell my problem was and I couldn't put my finger on it. I couldn't even blame it on my father. I know I brought a big black cloud home with me when I walked through the door. Reid was supposed to go to a Christmas party with his co-workers since their managers never planned on during the actual holidays. I had already said earlier in the day I didn't want to go (every time I'm around him and his co-workers it's like I don't exist. They all ignore me, even when they are in MY house). I told him if I wanted to spend a night alone I'd rather be at home than standing awkwardly alone in a bar like the last Christmas party. I took a shower and bawled. I dried off and laid down on the couch and bawled some more. All this time I figured that he would leave any time for the party.

But he didn't. He stayed out of my way when I first got home, probably for the best. But then when I finally got over being in a Hulk rage and went back to being a cry-baby he came and sat down on the couch with me and held me. He didn't say anything except that he loved me. He just hugged me. It confused me. He had a perfectly good reason to leave me alone to do my crazy thing and go out and have a good time with his friends. But he didn't. He didn't even want to (he said as much). He said he'd rather stay home with me and help me feel better. And I think he really meant it. Eventually, the crazy spiraling out of control cry fest stopped and we had a pretty pleasant evening. He even got me to smile and laugh some (a Herculean feet).

I just don't understand. That is not what I would have done if I were in his shoes when it came to dealing with me. If I were him, I would have just left me at home after telling myself to suck it up and go to the party. I don't love myself to voluntarily stay for when I'm like that. I would get as far away as possible and hope it blows over by the time I get home. I tried to get him to go and spare himself the trouble. He said if he felt like going he would go, but he never did. He said that in no way did I impede him going to the party and that he genuinely wanted to stay home with me instead.

I just don't get it. I'm still waiting for him to realize what he's gotten himself into and bail like the rest. It's what I would do if I were him. I don't know how to love myself (I'm sure that's been apparent on here for a long time) and I really don't understand how anyone else could love me. I just can't comprehend it.

My sister showed this to me last night. It's way funnier than it should be. Reid was bawling by the third play because he was laughing so hard.

Happy Friday everyone!!!