June 17, 2013
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This weekend was rough.
Spent Friday night with a friend because her boyfriend was afraid she would hurt herself if she was alone. That took a lot out of me. I’m barely keeping myself together and now I have to keep everyone else together, too.Saturday was alright. Took Scully to the dog park and let her run around and make friends. Started to play The Last of Us. The first 30 min blew me away, can’t wait to play the rest of the game.
Went to the club Saturday night for their rain night (they turn on the sprinkler system once a month during the summer, lots of fun). Wore my R2D2 bathing suit and a pair of high heels. Got a few catcalls walking downtown in nothing but that later. Good times.
Sunday was another draining day, but I got to see Sam (friend who tried to kill himself). I hugged the crap out of that kid. I seriously can’t even handle the thought of, “what if he succeeded?” but that doesn’t matter now. He didn’t, he’s still here. He introduced me to the show Hannibal and had a good time hanging out and talking. But it was still draining. His hands shook as he talked, and my heart broke. It’s still hard to keep myself together when everyone else is falling apart. It’s hard to be needed when I’m needy.
This week I’m going to try to get through work without going crazy. I cry on my morning commute every day at this point. I can’t be here. I need a break.
Also hard to think about the fact that I will not be getting any rest at all until after I arrive in GA this weekend. I fell asleep in narcoleptic fits 3 times this morning before even getting to work. Once I was standing for about 3-5minutes before I dropped something and woke up. I shouldn’t be driving. I should be asleep.
I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the next few weeks.
Comments (9)
OMG, No, you shouldn’t be driving Be safe dear and I’m sure you looked incredible in your suit and heels.. *fanning self*
Hope you make it to GA safely. Also hope to see you there.
*HUGS* You should get any kind of rest whenever you can.
And you also convinced me to get The Last of Us.
Your approach seems quite reasonable, and measured. Good luck getting things sorted out, no matter the outcome.
@olwd - ditto this comment.
The club sounds fun. I am sorry things were rough, I guess I am sorry they still are rough. I always find a coffee or something from a bakery helps me on my bad days. Obviously it doesn’t fix anything but it adds a small amount of positive to your day.
Good luck and I hope you have a better week
You should get a good night / day rest. You shouldn’t be driving because you can seriously hurt yourself and someone else.
You walk thru downtown in your swimsuit? Lots of guys will snap their neck at that sight.
Be strong for yourself and your friends. When you focus on their problem, you won’t be bothered so much by yours.
I hope that some day your tears will dry up and you will wear a smile instead.
You are obviously a good person, and a good friend, being there for those who are having trouble with dark thoughts of possibly harming themselves. I try to do that for people, too. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too, though. Luck and love to you and all of the people you care about.