January 14, 2013
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My 4 Dating Rules
When R and I started dating I laid out a few ground rules right away. I didn't go out on a first date or have my first kiss until I was well past 18 (I wasn't allowed to date). Because I was so late into the scene I had plenty of time to come up with 4 simple rules that I decided to lay out for every one of my relationships. Most of them I based off of either things I was seeing going on within my own home between my parents and also from good 'ol fashion sitcoms.
So here is my list that I gave, verbatim, to R when he asked me to be his girlfriend:1). I will never ask you, "What day is it?"
2). I will never ask you, "What's different about me/the house/yard/etc?" <Again, IT'S A TRAP!
3). I don't do Valentine's Day. Period. I don't want any heart-shaped boxes full of gamble chocolate or stuffed animals. Let's stay home and watch Band of Brothers instead.
4). I will never wear real diamonds, in any form. If you want to spend that much money on me, buy me a big screen TV, washer/dryer, handgun, the LEGO Star Wars Ultimate Collector's Millennium Falcon set, ANYTHING but diamond jewelry (especially engagement rings).
Needless to say R was not at all against these rules. In fact, he was so for them that we don't even have a specific "anniversary" date at all, but that's mostly because of how "noncommittal" our relationship started since I was about to leave for BMT and we weren't sure if this was a fling or what (we'd both failed repeatedly at getting together for about 3 years before we actually did end up dating! That's a story for another time...) We did start dating around this time 3 years ago. I brought that up the other night when I came home with a new calendar, it went something like this:
Me: "Hey, I think this is our 3rd year together... I think. Or is it the 4th?"
R: "Hmmm... not sure, I think it's the 3rd though. Does feel like it's been an age doesn't it?"
Me: "Sounds about right. Happy anniversary?"
We then high-fived and continued on with our evening by playing LEGO: Lord of the Rings and eating candied bacon. It was awesome.
Do you have any specific rules when it comes to dating and/or serious relationships?
Comments (30)
I think your rules fit the bill. I'm not a huge valentines day fan, simply because I don't like chocolate or non-useful gifts (which is basically the holiday in its entirety). I do want, however, a pretty diamond engagement ring...nothing over-the-top, just something classy and elegant. Other than that, no diamonds for me!
@wildchildofthebluemoon - I wouldn't mind a CZ ring (there are plenty out there that look just as good as the real thing except waaaaay less expensive). I just wouldn't be able to enjoy wearing something that costs more than my rent/utility bills 6 months combined. I'd rather save that money for our honeymoon.
From now on, I'm just gonna show my significant others to be this
I wouldn't mind celebrating Valentine's Day. I've only had one memorable Valentine's Day, and it wasn't romantic. He was a lonely friend who did something nice for me, and it has always been something I have appreciated.
Great rules. I do ask Jordan if he notices anything different about me sometimes but if he says no I don't get upset I tell him and he gives his opinion.As far as anniversaries go, Jordan and I both suck at remembering. Valintines day I feel is just about money and to make materialistic girls happy. I also agree with the diamond engagment ring thing. I have one and I hate diamonds so much. I do want a ring with a different stone but it is much cheaper and prettier then diamonds. My rules for dating is respect is a must and I don't come alone, I will always have a hedgehog and they are expected to respect my hedgehog as well. That doesn't mean hang out with her but she has certain needs and stuff.
@forever_musing - I guess that's true. I like the way you think!
I really was interested in this entry but now all I can think is "candied bacon!?"
Ok, refocusing, I think you and I have the same values although I would not express them the same way. I wouldn't ever want to make my SO feel that anything I said was a trap or that he couldn't be honest (ie the Does this make me look fat? question). I too would much rather have something useful than jewelry, and I would want my SO and I to just feel free to show our appreciation for each other whenever it came along and not feel that it was somehow a betrayal not to do it on a certain day.
I feel like these are things which have somehow evolved in our culture -- that society implants the idea in our heads that we should get angry if they don't buy us something on a certain date and that too often we discount the things they do for us the rest of the year if they don't do that one thing.
That is awesome, indeed.
My rules:
You must never argue with me. I'm always wrong, and you good and damn well better realize that! Thats final!
Dont EVER tell me to take out the trash. Ever! (It's called garbage, dammit. Refer to it correctly when you tell me to!)
If we do fight, you need to know now that it's just going to end with you on your hands and knees, begging, crying, pleading... For me to come out from under the bed and fight like a man.
If you want something from me, none of these bullshit ploys, sweet-talkings or other crap y'all pull! just tell me how much you took out of the checking account!
I've never had rules.
1. People are individuals and all relationships will be unique.
2. You get what you give.
3. Go with the flow.
4. I'm not your mother, I will not nurture you. I will support, and respect you, but if you need to be coddled I'm probably not the right woman.
I am married, but before my rules were simple: (As you get older the pickin's gets slimmer and slimmer)
*Must be Christian
*Must have Drivers license
*Must have a car
*Must have his own place (Not still living at home with mom and dad)
*Must have a real job
*Must not be addicted to drugs or alcohol
*There will be no abuse
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Trust me, after you hit about 25, finding someone who is single and meets all these requirements gets harder and harder. You begin to realize there's a reason why they are not married. But you realize YOU aren't either and you hope there is someone out there......And then you find that person!
@mtngirlsouth - I agree with all of your rules, except the 4th one, and that's because I admit I'm still living at home with my parents.
But I do earn my keep- I work two part-time jobs, pay for gas, buy my own groceries and personal stuff, do my own laundry, help clean house, and help cook meals. Personally, if I met a guy who met all your requirements but was living at home (but is earning his keep, like me), I wouldn't find it so bad. JMO though.
@AngelAsh_86 - Currently, the economy is so bad, I think it would be understandable. I had four kids I was supporting, and the last thing I needed was another mouth to feed. And usually, as it turned out, if they still lived at home, they also had no job, no car, and were addicted to some substance. It was amazing to me how many guys thought that since I was willing to work to support my children by myself, that meant I wanted to support a man too. Actually had one guy ask me on a date for which I would drive, pay a baby sitter, pay for gas, and pay my own way during. No thank you.
I had one rule when going out with girls. Do not smother me in a needy or clingy way.
Only rule....breathing
I found out about that Millennium Falcon set in the USA Today not too long ago. That thing is worth some serious dough!
@Shadowrunner81 - I know, which is why I will never forgive my parents for not getting me one when I was younger even though I asked for it back when it first came out for like $500. They failed to see what kind of investment that thing was!
can I has a girl like you?
also, I like Dan's rule.
I agree about Valentines Day, I don't like it(I've wore completely black outfits on a few Valentines just to prove my point). I simply hate pink and I don't like all the mushiness that comes with the holiday(if it really is one...). A few years ago, a friend of mine had to me said that most couples actually BREAK-UP on Valentines Day. Which I completely laughed at. I have no idea if it's true but it sounds like it. I mean the holiday just seems like a chance for you to get these big hopes and dreams just to have them crushed by the reality of things. I mean I, somewhat, like the idea of a day for lover, but it's just too complicated and WAY too much pressure on both people.
A saying comes to my mind while typing this about Valentines Day, "Easier said than done."
Well as cynical as that, confusing and jumbled, rant was, it is my personal opinion.
@boxedwine - In all truth, I had the *perfect* Valentine's once with my first boyfriend (got my first kiss that night. We had been dating for 3 months) but the holiday as a whole doesn't hold much meaning for me. It seems too forced overall and holidays tend to stress me out so I like skipping traditional holidays and celebrating in our own way (except for Christmas which we spend with his family, all the others we tend to ignore).
@Foodhog - Being pet friendly is a big deal to me too! R and I want to open and run a petting zoo when we retire!
@lanney - Candied bacon is the best! Lay bacon on a pan and cover lightly with brown sugar and then put it in the oven on a low heat and let it cook until crispy! Great added flavor to a regular burger! And I agree with you completely. It means more to me when my boyfriend buys me something or does something special for me just because he wants to and not because a date on the calendar dictated that he *had* to.
@shezadey - Thanks!
@Under_the_Ghillie - You crack me up!
@Erika_Steele - Yup! Exactly. Although I think I let my boyfriend get away with (your) #4 a little too much...
@mtngirlsouth - All those are great pre-reqs!
@AngelAsh_86 - I agree, we were both living with our parents when we first started dating but at least he had a job and car! We split all our finances and spending on each other evenly now that we are in a domestic partnership. It makes it soooo much easier!
@TheTheologiansCafe - Good one.
@TexasTidbits - Yeah, wouldn't want to go to jail for necrophilia.
@stephened - I'm sure I can't be the only one out there... right? Jeeze now I feel lonely. Maybe most girls aren't as reasonable...
@trixie1029 - You've come to the perfect place for cynical jumbled personal rants! I feel the same way about Valentine's (and all the other major holidays, especially Christmas). I feel like Valentine's Day forces more people to think they are in love with whoever they are with that day just because the calendar said they should. Does that make sense? I feel like there is an unneeded precedent. If you love me, show me that every day with the little things, and not because the date told you you had to. Come by and rant anytime!
@forever_musing - That is really cute. Sounds like a lot of work but it would be so fun.
Funny rules, sound like my hubby would come up with those. I do however agree on the ring thing. Mine is/was his grandmothers, so no money spent there.
@olwd - I would love to have an heirloom ring. That would be a special exception to the "no real diamonds" rule because that holds more sentimental value than it's price tag
And yeah my boyfriend thought he struck gold when I laid these out! Not a single argument was had from him.
@mtngirlsouth - the no abuse rule is a good one and it is sad with some men you have to tell them this.
@forever_musing - it's so against my nature that I think I scare the ones that need it away.
@forever_musing - in my experience, most women are not as reasonable. but perhaps I am pursuing the wrong women.
@stephened - Might be, I can't say since I don't really know you or the women you pursue. I was (and am) a huge tomboy who in general can't really stand a lot of girly things (I can field strip an M16 in less than a minute but I'll be damned if I can figure out how to use eye liner or mascara) or girls. I cannot comprehend how most female's logic (or lack thereof) and I am a female. Maybe I really am a man distracted by my own tits into not caring that I have the "wrong" bits downstairs...
@forever_musing - before that last sentence I was about to say "I love you" but now I'm a little creeped out... but otherwise, that's pretty awesome (the tomboy stuff).
@stephened - haha that is typical me (the last sentence and "going too far". my boyfriend says I have a special talent for killing a mood in the most terrible yet hilarious ways. See what he puts up with now? haha)
@forever_musing - well, I think I'd still rather have that than nothing.