December 9, 2012

  • I'm Not Alright

    I'm not okay right now. Not even close. I hurt so much I can hardly breathe. I am in real, physical pain. No there isn't any evidence to prove that but I hurt all the same. I feel like my chest is being ripped open and everything pulled out and set on fire.

    I'm not okay. And I can't imagine myself ever being okay again. I'm 23 years old and I'm already tired. I've never really had to deal with death. I know I'm lucky on that account. My great-grandparents died when I was still at that young age when really old people scare you. I didn't know them that well so it never really hit me that they were gone. I think I might have cried once about them being gone. I remember crying and asking God to give them a hug from me, if he existed and had time to do such things.

    I'm not okay. And I feel terrible for being this worked up over an animal, but I don't see how I wouldn't be this way. Friendly has been my best friend for over 14 years. Over half my life. He slept in my bed and woke me up from my night terrors. He carried messages in his collar between me and my little sister, or to my mom when I was so sick I couldn't talk and I was hungry. He listened to everything I had to say, and did nothing but love me. I've never felt so loved as I have by him, and he's leaving me now, and I can't follow him yet. I am crying so hard as I type this I can't even see so forgive any spelling errors that might be mixed in, but then again I really couldn't care less about that right now.
    What's Wedge going to do without his best friend? He must already know what's happening. He probably knew before I did because instead of being playful, he's serious (I know it's hard to imagine a serious rabbit but Wedge is definitely a serious rabbit right now). He watches over the dog constantly. Licks his ears to wake him up. Eats his food with him. Sleeps with him.

    How am I supposed to look forward to the holidays now, or ever again knowing that he's going to be gone and left me this time of year. I have other critters I know, but they won't fill the doggy void. Who's going to be my copilot on my errands now? Who's going to meet me at the bottom of the stairs every morning wagging his tail just full of love for me?

    I hurt. I hurt I hurt I hurt and there isn't a medicine in the world that would make it better.

Comments (9)

  • HUGS

  • I'm so sorry, Sweetheart.  I know how hard that is.  When you've had an animal who was that good of a companion, it's no less painful than losing a human friend.  It will get easier with time.  You just have to pass on to others the love that he gave you.  

  • There is nothing that can be said except I am so sorry and hugs. :/

  • {{{{hugs}}}}}
    I am sorry.

  • I'm sorry you're losing your friend. I can't even grasp the hurt your going through, but I hope for you it passes quickly. The heart you felt for him and him for you is some thing you get to keep forever. There's no force on earth that could ever take it. That you will never lose.

  • Wow, I'm so sorry. I know how devastating this can be. My family suffered a similar loss at the beginning of this year. Some people frown about being so worked up over an animal. But there are those of us who understand that these are members of the family. It's not like they're random bugs in a jar or a bird on a wire above your house. You have history, and for that alone you deserve the chance to grieve fully. Embrace those memories and everything that he meant to you.

  • I'm so sorry.  I know how hard this is for you.  As an animal lover myself you feel a part of you dies when they do.  But hold onto their memories and love.  Remember the reason why they don't live as long as we do, because they get it right, they know how to love and accept love.  He's lived an amazing 14 years with the most amazing person.  Just breathe and hold on.  Does it get easier, maybe.  But you'll always miss him, and he'll still be there by your bed when you sleep. Until you meet again.


  • That's one of the worst feelings ever, losing a beloved furry companion. I couldn't even go with my mom and sister to the vet when we had to put Puddy down, I was just falling apart. But I have good memories with her, and I hold on to those, I remember her as sweet (and scared) and cuddly, not sick like at the end. It'll hurt when he's gone, but that's ok. Let the pain be there and let yourself grieve. You'll always have his memory in your heart and mind, so he'll never be fully gone.

  • Hopefully fun memories of him will replace the sadness you feel at the moment. 

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