September 17, 2012

  • Tiny Rant on Marriage

    I'm irked right now, fevery with the full blown flu and some of the worst body aches I've ever had so bear with me.

    I'll get straight to the point; It offends me to the point of anger whenever someone demeans my relationship with R based on the sole fact that we aren't LEGALLY married. Last night is case and point. A friend of mine on FB made a status addressed to "married womenz" asking if anyone else gets weirded out by the fact that other men find them attractive other than their husbands. I chimed in that yes, I too am a little weirded out and confused when someone other than R finds me attractive and says so. Her response was vague, and probably not meant to offend at all. It was a quote from Arrested Development "Don't get egg all glittered up for Easter." I'm probably reading way too much into that (I took it as "don't put your cart before the horse, cuz you're not married yet") but there have been legitimate times where this particular person (and others) has told me that my relationship isn't anything like hers and her husband's based on the sole fact that we aren't legally married on paper.

    R and I live together. Both our names are on the lease. Both our names are on the utilities. We split all the bills 50/50 when we can (eg. R has just returned to work after 5 weeks out with a compression fracture. During that time I paid for everything, that is what I'm supposed to do as his partner, regardless of whether or not my last name is the same). We've stuck by each other through sickness and in health. He went with me to every doctor's appointment and emergency room visit when my migraines were out of control. He moved in with me to make sure that I ate and took care of myself when my depression took a horrible dive. We've stuck by each other for richer and for poorer. We lived in a house that had no electricity to the front part. We've gathered up every piece of change we could find just to get something to eat at McDonald's. We have  good jobs now that do more than just pay the bills. We get to go out on dates every once and a while now, as well as small trips out of town. We love and cherish each other. We consider each other's feelings with the highest regard. If something I want to do would really upset him, I don't do it, not because he told me not to, he will let me do whatever would make me happy, but because I respect his feelings and the fact that he honestly tells me when something would make him uncomfortable. He does the same for me. We love and support each other with every fiber of our being.

    I really hate it when people tell me how we just don't know what married life is like because we aren't married. THA FUCK???? NOBODY would know we aren't married if we weren't totally upfront about it. I don't think there is any difference between our relationship and that of a married couple. We sleep in the same bed, we have sex (awesome sex), we kiss each other goodbye and miss one another when we're apart. We take vacations just for "us". We're going to get married, that was always the plan. We were going to elope as soon as I got into Tech School while I was in the Air Force. Since that didn't pan out, we decided to wait because I really need health insurance, and I'm covered under my stepdad's plan so long as I'm not married. Neither of us are receiving benefits from our jobs. We're not married because making sure we have insurance is MORE IMPORTANT THAN A PIECE OF PAPER.

    Seriously, what is a friggin piece of paper going to do to our relationship other than the fact I get to change my last name? I hate my last name now, so I'm pretty psyched to get a new and cool last name, but I highly doubt that a name change is going to all of a sudden magically transform my relationship with R and make it more "legitimate."

    Maybe I'm just naive. Maybe marriage really is magic and when we say "I do" we will be transported to a wonderful magical land filled with unicorns and rainbows and we'll shit skittles and the clouds are cotton candy.

    I still call bullshit. 

Comments (6)

  • You're quite right.  When divorce became so accepted, commitment and marriage stopped being so closely tied, and it is indeed the commitment that counts.

  • @lanney - I know I'm probably getting my panties twisted up over something that isn't that big of a deal. My mom has handed me the same lin ("It will be different when you're married!") and I made the mistake of pointing out that she is on her third marriage and that my relationship with R has outlasted 2 of them. We've been through so much, and have never wavered. I guess I just want people to let go of the fact we aren't married and accept the fact that our relationship is healthier than a lot of people who are actually married. I don't get riled up over much, but this is one of my hot buttons.

  • I just want to say- I was married for many years. Split once for about 18 months, got back together and finished raising the girls. Now we've split again. I don't give a rat's ass if you're married or not. What matters is the relationship and home you set up with your S.O. Whether they be male or female. Marriage isn't especially necessary. If it works for you, go for it. If not, then no worries. 

  •  eugh, how irritating! well, im on your side :)

  • OMG you are SO right! If you stood in front of some minister and said a word or two somehow the whole relationship would be different? That's silly, great post!

  • I feel you. A marriage certificate won't compel someone to be faithful. That's something they should already be.

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