April 15, 2012

  • I still haven't heard back from my professor about meeting with the vice president myself. I still can't believe that after applying to have the credit waved back last September, that I'm just hearing back about a decision now. When it's way too late for me to sign up for a 1 credit course this semester so I can graduate. If they had told me back in January when I inquired about it, then I would have been able to sign up for the basket-weaving class (and I'm not even kidding, it was a Japanese basekt-weaving class that met for just a couple weeks, was 1 credit hour, and filled out the hour I'm missing in my transcript). The fact that it's such a trivial credit insults me. I have a 3.29 (not the greatest GPA but great considering what the past few years have been like) and the fact that I've been there 5 years (apparently you can't get your degree in 2 years unless you take 19 credit hours a semester, and you don't work at all).
    I'm going to try to push for at least being able to participate in commencement. I'd have to wait another year for them to do it again, and if that's the case, I'm not even going to do it at all. I didn't have a high school graduation ceremony, so this would be my first (and probably only).
    I just want to have a normal'ish life. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 19. I didn't have a prom (there was a dance, but it was... terrible), I didn't get a cap and gown, much less a class ring or diploma. My parents wouldn't allow me to apply at universities or for federal aid to go to a 4 year school. I also had to pay for my own tuition, books, work part-time, and had a curfew of 9:30 unless I was working.
    I just want a normal experience for once. I didn't get to be an adolescent. I went from being a child to having to be the only responsible person to act as caretaker for my mom when I was 15. Our relationship hasn't ever recovered from that. My mother constantly looks to ME for approval, and calls ME and asks if what she's doing is right. It's hard. I want a mom just as bad as I want a dad. I just want a parent. There was something very relieving about going to R's parents house Thursday night and just bawling while they hugged me. R's mom was so encouraging, and was there for me when I really needed someone. I can't express enough how much I love his family. They've made me feel welcome and loved as a part of their family from the very first time I met them. His grandma especially. I swear that woman is just going to keel over from happiness whenever we have a kid (and if it's a girl she will surely die from joy). I wish my mom didn't live an hour from me, and that gas prices weren't so high. Maybe one day our roles will reverse again and we'll be like a normal family.

    I really appreciate all the support and encouragement, it's helped me get through the past few weeks!

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